froontown

The older you get...

Sat, 17 Nov 2012 15:34:20 -0500

I’m curious.

I wonder if people ever actually find one thing that genuinely makes them feel better about themselves. I wonder if feeling okay is something that can be kept. Is it really something you can find and hold onto like a teddy bear?

I don’t think so.

Tonight I am not drinking. I hope I am not lying.

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 02:21:17 -0500

All day today, I’ve actually been feeling pretty happy. Someone told me that eating bananas makes you happy, and although that struck me as mildly-yet-not-terribly bizarre, (I did some half-assed Googling and came across : this,) it worked, I guess. I’ve taken breaks from drinking before, so this isn’t Leaving Las Vegas or something, but I still have my thoughts.

They’re just floating about there in my head. All jittery and weirded out sometimes because they’re like, “Dude, you’re home where’s the booze? We’ve been buzzing around up here all day!” I have to constantly remind them, “Sure, drinking is easier than to think, but thinking is easier without drinks.”

Once I get that back under control, I find my life gets better every time, without fail. Except this time I’m going through what billions of women went through when they were 14 year old girls: breaking up with someone you were expecting to live the rest of your life with. I didn’t know how intense those feelings are because I never went through them. I’ve seen it and known it, but I’ve never felt it and learned it.

Dear internet: I handled it terribly.

I’m really glad my friends care for me and are there for me, but damn man - I felt compelled to name the hover title of that previous link “accurate” and didn’t hesitate for a micro-second. No human being has ever completed a basic, physical task so fast. It was thought to be physically impossible before I did it just now for real. I have to think about that.

Thoughts like these were buzzing around and kept trying to bring me down. It’s as though they were plotting against me. “Don’t you feel shitty now, sucker? Ha! Ha! Give us what we want!” When I didn’t, they kept buzzing around and I’ve been having tons of realizations all day long.

I think every single time I’ve faced something rough or hard or anything, I’ve turned to booze. I stupidly read this article today. I don’t know why I was doing it, but I did. As I was driving home, I decided to maybe have a beer. Just one. That stupid lie. Screw you, science, I didn’t, and instead of making that hyperlink “this stupid article,” I realized that that person wrote a real scientific study for Psychology Today and I’m writing this self-fulfilling dribble on a tumblr no one reads.

So, I jumbled the words around a bit to be more accurate.

I’m not going to lie. The thought of going to sleep terrifies me. It’s like I’m a little kid that’s scared of the dark, but instead of the dark, it’s those annoying, buzzing thoughts I have to deal with again. I don’t have someone to hold and talk to anymore. Sure, I had that when I was drinking, and although there are multiple factors leading up to us separating, drinking definitely helped push her along, (that’s her on the left.)

I’m not going to lie again: the temptation to get up, feel so accomplished for writing this garbage pile of words, grab a beer, and plop down is going to be there. I don’t know if it’s going to be intense or manageable. I can feel it coming now.

I’ll try the plopping down and pretend feeling so accomplished about this wasn’t so lame. I’ve borrowed The Walking Dead: Compendium Two - which FUCKING ROCKS - and I can read that instead. Hopefully sleep’ll come to me.

I can also think about this: drinking helped me where I am now, and it’s a terrible place. And I’m there, by myself, craving, sometimes sweating or trembling or both at the same time, and I ended up writing this. That’s something to think about.

I forgot how to update this thing

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 03:35:59 -0400

Suffice to say, I do NOT have a future career as a blogger. If Skyward Sword is my last post… well… here’s to ya, Time. You won. I really, REALLY was hoping to win this one but I guess the odds were against me. Y’kno, you being an abstract construct and me being a fleshy meatbag that cannot surmount what it is YOU bring to the table because you are an abstract concept and I am a thing that will eventually die no matter what.

…Jerk.

Trust me, I know. I watched that Alien prequel thing and YES! I was one of those nerds that was SO PSYCHED TO SEE A SPACE JOCKEY. So yes. I know I will die, dear Time.

You’ll win.

So in the meantime, since I’ve learned I kind of care really absolutely nothing about my tumblr, I will share with you this:

It is what I consider to be the cutest sleepy dog ever.

Nerdvent time - Nintendo really, really, really sucks

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 05:29:00 -0500

Okay so I think maybe two or three people read this so I’m going to go ahead and do this:

I loved Nintendo. I loved Zelda. Much like how I loved Sega and Sonic, here is why I now think Nintendo are the worst and have absolutely no idea of not only what makes a good game, but why they just completely destroyed my love for one of their classics:

I just spent about an hour and a half of my twilight hours playing Skyward Sword. This hour and a half has been absolutely gone to waste. I can never get it back. I didn’t even have a chance to save to prevent this because of inherent design. So bear with me while I nerdrant: I wish upon a talking fish to tell you that I love this game, but I just don’t. I have had this horrible problem where I will “wind up” the controller to the left to swing right, but the programming will think that “wind up” is what I want to do. It destroyed my night.

First of all, I am a great big fan of story telling. Good story telling! I love writing, and I truly appreciate when writers go out of their way to incorporate telling you how to play their game without shoveling tutorials down your throat.

Everyone will always say Half Life when they talk about this when it comes to games. I don’t think the story is that great of one to be honest, but the way these guys make you feel while you’re playing it and experiencing not only makes you feel SO BAD ASS, but like you’re actually learning something. You’re not just achieving checkpoints and finding the next save point; NO! You’re pushing the story forward! Each boss encounter was like trying to unravel the path to a geometric theorem: so much “how the fuck does this make sense?” at first to that wonderful “ah HA!” moment later.

Not with Skyward Sword.

No. I’m just about to beat the game, actually. I’ve logged around 30+ hours in it. Sure, it’s hitting all the beats I’d expect from one of Nintendo’s tripla-A brands: dungeons, finding that awesome tool to get you through said dungeon, feeling awesome once you beat that boss.

But again, NO.

Instead, I have been struggling for almost an entire work weeks’ of terrible controls, an absolutely horrendous menu control system, and bizarre design choices that are so arbitrary and bizarre, you aren’t rewarded for being a smart, sharp player. Instead, you’re punished because of their own crude standards.

Nintendo: Skyward Sword did nothing but make me never want to play with you again. You’re like that whiny brat in the playground at recess that arbitrarily changes rules just so they can win.

I’ll just put it this way: Every character in the game that you meet doesn’t have dialogue with you. Primarily, it’s because you’re a very poorly written-in-for silent character, but here are my main qualms:

A.) -Fi is the worst.

Above is pretty much all she ever does: this weird, hovering synth voice that’s played both forwards and backwards at the same time: ALL THE TIME. You can’t go two steps forward in the plot without this stupid thing regurgitating the obvious with bad Lt. Commander Data rip-off lines the whole game!

Literally, the game will give you a wonderful panoramic, scene-setting shot of where you need to go/what you need to do next and this stupid thing will pop out and say, “Master, I conjecture that we should go to that place and swim under that waterfall puzzle you spent 45 minutes solving.” No, you can’t skip. You can often help her stupid, redundant words scroll a bit faster, but you can’t skip.

B.) - Every other damned character.

What I love about Zelda games in general is that it’s an RPG without really being about towns; it’s about collecting. If you run into a spot you can’t go forward, it’s because you didn’t find what you need.

Well! With the advent of CURRENT GENERATION VIDEO GAMES, characters are actually CHARACTERS with actual STORIES. I’m too upset to link, but Assassin’s Creed, Uncharted, games like Ico and Shadow of the Colossus, Portal and Valve’s games, as few and far between as they are, ALL have characters with stories!

Not so much with this Zelda. No-sir-ree! Nah, each character is just a vehicle for a game mechanic or task. AND THAT IS FINE. I don’t really give a shit about my gas pump. It fills up my tank, but this game seems so earnest when it’s like, “I AM YOUR GAS PUMP! I WILL FILL UP YOUR GAS! Now I will emote about how you react to how I fill up your gas!” each time you say “Hi.”

C.), and finally:

I’m so close to the end, I am at this point where I know if I press “A,” I’m basically triggering the game’s final act. Instead, because I’m a good gamer, I want to explore, and one thing I noticed is that I’m missing a very specific, very iconic piece of Zelda hardware.

So! I found out where to get it, and I need to go through this “Deal or No Deal” style mini-game and decide: do I want to take what I’ve got now, or gamble for more?

Of course I want to gamble for more.

What I don’t want is to quit accidentally because of a shitty menu control system. Say I’m trying to swing the Wii-remote to the right, okay? Naturally, I’ll “pre-swing” it to the left so I can actually swing it to the right. It’s natural to me.

This stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid game doesn’t let you the option of choosing menu options with the classic, nearly half-century-proven “push a button to select this” method and instead demands you swing the Wii-remote to choose what you want.

No. Instead, you have to swing the fucking thing. I’m mostly right-handed, so when I swing the remote to the left, it’s like I’m pounding my chest and saying “DOYDOYDOY” like a fucking idiot.

Well, as I said earlier, I geared up the Wii-remote to highlight the “Right” option to say “YES! I want to continue pressing my odds!” While I wound up the remote to swing to the right, because honestly, my arm can only go right so far, it highlighted the “Left” option, which was to “Quit.”

Unlike Fi’s normal, “Are you certain this is the decision you would like to make?” style bullshit that I have been physically conditioned to hammer “A” “A” “A” “A” to skip, I suddenly found myself having wasted my entire night.

I have since turned it off, and lost about 1900 rupees in the process and gained a very, very strong desire to kill every character that’s supposed to be on my side in the game.

Only I can’t, because it’s Nintendo, and they have absolutely no idea what gamers want anymore.

They’re masturbating their Wii-remotes to see what else these horrible contraptions can do next and thinking to their oil-stinking selves, “This is fun, right? YES IT MUST BE FUN”

A Memory

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 04:03:10 -0500

I can’t remember the specifics, but I remember specifically hating what I was hearing.

I give, and understand, that it is in my nature to constantly try to give. Altruism, through one crooked way or another, is a feeling that pervades every thought of mine. But the truth remains: these thoughts are mine own, and to act as diligently as I can to those ultimately result not in any sort of altruism at all. It’s a form of self-satisfaction, which is exactly the opposite of altruism.

I lacked the ability to understand why my cousin was telling me the falsity of altruism. Raised Catholic, though not a believer let alone religious, spiritual, or whatever, I truly believed that doing what I thought was good was good for the rest of us.

How selfish!

Here I was, trying to be everything I am not: a brat with successful parents and a really remarkable support system to provide for me! “No!” I cried, because it was against my ideals. It all had to be on my terms! My terms of being altruistic!

How selfish!

I’ve been given a gift. I learned of this gift since I was eight: I know how to play music. Just like any other man, I will get rusty. I will get insecure. I will play along to the road given to me. Nothing special.

Just like any other man, I’m just good at something. It could have been shaping nails or working wood. It could have been numbers or playing poker. It could have been any number of things but here I am: wonderfully aware of the music around me.

I have to suffer though. Not because of some outside force, mind you; I suffer because I’m an idiot.

“It sounds like video game music,” everyone would tell me. I would spend months crafting one song. ONE SONG. Every note! Every hint of each beat. All the swells and sways of the movement I had crafted I felt was belittled because everyone, without exception save a few that said “Wow, you’re talented” like a Bill or a Ted, was degenerated to “sounds like video game music!”

Well, what if I made the best damned music that sounded like video game music?

It would be the best damned music that sounded like video game music.

That’s what.

Calvin and Hobbes Christmas homage. awesome!

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 18:48:47 -0500

Calvin and Hobbes Christmas homage. awesome!

Wow. I forgot about tumblr. I really enjoyed the first...

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 10:55:14 -0500

Wow. I forgot about tumblr.

I really enjoyed the first (Swedish?) film, have the next one on my Netflix queue, and I have the first book to read, (but I’ve been indoctrinated by Game of Thrones recently and can’t stop reading the Song of Ice and Fire series,) so I suppoooose I’m curious about David Fincher’s take on Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

Also, I have a tumblr. Yeesh.

via: Some Kind of Awesome

did-you-kno: Source

Sun, 13 Nov 2011 03:58:46 -0500

did-you-kno:

Source

I’m becoming obsessed with Tokyo Police Club.

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 12:23:10 -0400

I’m becoming obsessed with Tokyo Police Club.

Rodney Mullen, ladies and gentlemen. Even as I bathe myself in...

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 21:52:00 -0400

Rodney Mullen, ladies and gentlemen.

Even as I bathe myself in the liquids of job-limbo, I still find out this guy has words that reach out to me, long after scabs, bruised bones, plywood, and plastic wheels.

But one thing: who the hell are the losers he’s talking to? Is this a segment of some crappy reality show? If so, gross.

Just to say it because it's there:

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 03:12:30 -0400

A company is a group of individuals that have assembled together.

A company is not only a group, but also a team; from the bottom to the top, the company acts in unison.

When a company fragments, it no longer exists.

Yup…

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 17:28:53 -0400

Yup…

Victory meant something in the old school days of video...

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 02:02:00 -0400

Victory meant something in the old school days of video games.

Thank god for Dark Souls!

I’m also reading Game of Thrones now. Only through the first prologue, (seriously!,) and all I have to say so far is: holy shit.

My psyche is in for some seriously, SERIOUSLY serious, evil, dark medieval shit.

did-you-kno: Source me

Sat, 15 Oct 2011 03:26:31 -0400

did-you-kno:

Source

I really like this band.

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 16:04:07 -0400

I really like this band.

I like xkcd, so I thought I’d make a comic like it. I hope...

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 18:40:00 -0400

I like xkcd, so I thought I’d make a comic like it.

I hope they get out of there okay.

It’s true: women, (and justifiably so,) use WAY more...

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 01:32:00 -0400

It’s true: women, (and justifiably so,) use WAY more toilet paper than men do. It’s just a fact.

I just imagine to an extreme, this is what goes on in our heads when (if?) we remember to glance at the status of TP before sitting down at the toilet.

I had trouble deciding on the over-hang or the under-hang. I liked the look of this better.

Customer service sucks.

Sun, 02 Oct 2011 02:41:29 -0400

Customer service sucks.:

I wonder how many people think, “Oh, I’ll just do this weird rule-breaking thing” and are OK with it at the expense of us working for you. I repeat: working. for. you. If things were back under my control, you’d better damn believe I’d exercise the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason.

At any rate, I have been in customer service since I think I was just old enough to drive, and since I’m old, that’s too many years for me to count and I’ve forgotten how/am too lazy to do basic arithmetic.

An exerpt:

Employees at a Borders bookstore took the company’s looming demise as an opportunity to bid farewell to their customers with an outburst of brutal honesty.

via escapist magazine.

Things I Hate: A Random List

Sun, 18 Sep 2011 22:24:00 -0400

I try to be a really grateful person. I’ve never had to deal with not having a job for more than a month. I can eat basically whenever or whatever I want. I have a car. My family has money and I can use them for support. I could’ve been born into a war-torn country in Africa where fucked up soldiers chop off limbs of innocent villagers just for fun.

At any rate, I get cranky and my ignorance blares its horn and I’ll be a stupid prick to someone else, but I try to be considerate when I can. Because if you look at us from an outer space alien’s perspective: we’re all just humans doing stupid human things, so at least we can try our best, right?

Still, some things just piss me off.

Voice mails that don’t tell you who made them

I am very confident that you believe you are the center of the universe, and that everyone should care that you actually took the time to leave a voice mail. You’re going to cover about a baker’s dozen’s worth of useless tidbits before the end of this message, and truth be told, all of them are going to be missed because I’m too busy trying to figure out who the hell you are. You just wasted time both of us can never get back.

And unless you are my girlfriend, (who prefaces her messages with something like “Hey, stupid fat face,…”,) mother, (who shouts into the phone so loud people two buildings over can overhear it,) or father, (who is kind enough to tell me who he is in the first place,) I can’t tell who you are by the sound of your voice.

Wearing your over-stuffed backpack on public transportation

I was an audio-engineering student, so all I really needed to bring to school was a notebook and a few burned CDs. Those few occasions my bag was stuffed enough to be the equivalent of another human’s torso, I kept the bag by my feet. Y’kno why? Because if I wore it, it was at exactly the height where it would be in the face of someone sitting down.

It’s rush hour, it’s crowded, and space in the car is probably the most valuable commodity at the time. It’s more important than food or water. And it sucks, because you look around and you realize that everything they taught you in school is wrong; you’re not special at all. You’re a chump. As one, you are surrounded by all these other chumps going to a similar chump job being completely unspecial. Nope, no special VIP bulletproof cars here. We may as well be rats living in tunnels, but we’re not. We’re humans - with brains. Use yours and realize that taking your bag off and putting it on that floor with the mysterious membrane of filth on it just might make someone’s day.

People that think working hard should earn them something special

I don’t think I’ve run into more than 4 people in my entire life that don’t complain about how hard/how much they work. Everyone hates working. Chances are, you’re working your job because it was the only one that would hire you or you’re a student and desperate or you’re like me and your life fell to pieces and almost everything seems to suck anyway. It’s pretty rare to work a job you absolutely love, and I know a lot of people that do work in a field they love and they still manage to complain.

You’ll come across people that do this one thing that pisses me off so much though. I’ve seen it across the board, and yes, I was guilty of it, too, because I didn’t know any better.

People that only perform what is described in their job descriptions.

I hate to break it to you, but if you were getting a report card instead of a paycheck, you’re probably going to be getting somewhere along a D+ or C- with this mentality. There is so much more to succeeding and being rewarded for doing your job than simply doing what is asked of you.

If you’re a subordinate, that manager/boss of yours probably got to where they were not just by being a model employee, (which actually is pretty rare,) but because they did something extra on top of what was asked of them which, y’kno, would make them stand out.

If you’re a superior, you’ve got to set the bar and uphold an example for your employees and, believe it or not, help them out, just like you used to. You can’t just perform your managerial tasks and think that’s enough. In fact, that’s the worst.

The point is, everyone works hard to the best of their ability. Working hard doesn’t fucking matter. You have to work smartly.

Being Emo Just Ain't Enough

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 22:43:25 -0400

http://www.joystiq.com/2011/09/14/important-mark-hamill-news-wing-commander-4-now-on-gog/

I’m too lazy to get into embedding anything at the moment, and no, i will not code any links, so click on that link that I hope works and you’ll see yourself looking at one of the very, very many things our favorite LUKE SKYWALKER did after Star Wars. If I were to assign points, he’s a little bit behind Harrison Ford, quite a bit ahead Carrie Fisher, and much better off for things like playing the Joker in Batman: The Animated Series versus some poor sap in the shitty Americanized, (and everything Americanized is shitty,) version of Guyver.

I loved Wing Commander.

The price of freedom, my friends, is eternal diligence.